Guess who was late at last week’s sermon called the “Hurried Spirit?” If you guessed me, then you are correct. However, I wonder how many of us can put our name in the blank. How many of us are in a constant hurried state where we hardly have time to breathe. Within the past couple of weeks, you would think all of the signs from backing up into a post by our front porch or my daughter cutting her own hair would have made me stop and say – what am I doing? Even worse, I was losing out on precious talking time with God. Only when my regular consulting job became a fizzle did I stress, want to control, and then heard his voice. At first, he whispered stop, but by the end stop was at a loud screech. I was losing sleep in constant head games with myself and eventually just had to stop. I had to stop.
At church last week, the pastor said everything for him is in fast speed including his hobby; which is running. I couldn’t help but relate. Who doesn’t get tired when thinking of being a spouse, a parent to a 4 yr. old, a writer, and a Director at a Consulting firm along with all of the other life expectancies? The pastor said his life remained in fast speed until a buck blocked his way and made him quietly walk backwards when he finally sat down, breathed, and spent time with God. This is my life to a “t” and love that God showed himself in the way of a buck. So many times I get frustrated at myself because it’s evident I am like the slaves freed from Egypt who kept missing the signs from Manna falling from the sky, water gushing out of a rock in the desert, or our pastor who couldn’t sit down and smell the fresh air until a buck blocked his way. The question is…do I need a buck to block my way?
Unfortunately, in many of my volunteer activities, I find people don’t stop and relax with God until there is a buck in the way. The buck can be many things from cancer, to homelessness, to divorce, etc. The goal is to not to wait until a buck is in the way until you silence your mind and your life. Some of the reasons I volunteered as long as I did at the Children’s Hospital is because weekly it forced me to think of the buck. It made me prioritize life and feel God’s presence.
It is the silent moments or the non-forced moments where God talks to me the loudest. Again, stop was a whisper until I gave up and was ready to hear his voice. Let me preface this by saying I am still an elementary student at learning to silence myself and listen. Every time it takes time for me to turn the corner. It also took me several years to believe the voice. However, when I do listen and not force the situation is when magic happens such as this book series. When my mind truly listens is when my heart is filled. God leaves it in a way where there are no questions. Sometimes looking back at old journals it saddens me to see my heart in such despair. The theme in these journals was what is my purpose? Now it doesn’t even appear I am living the same life. It took several bucks to get here and know there will be plenty of more bucks, but appreciate God teaching me so many lessons in the silence. Appreciate God reminding me to not stay in the hurried spirit, but to stop, breathe, and talk to him.
