Archive for Issue Resolution

Dear Daddy Dearest

For the second letter of my writing letter series and with this month being Father’s Day, I decided to concentrate this month’s letter on fathers and the gift of fathers within my life, but more importantly the gift of fathers to their daughters. I believe fathers have a big impact on their daughters lives, so, am proud to write this month’s post. For all of the daughters out there, hope this post resonates with you and it brings back memories of times with your own dads or important men in your life who were father figures. Honestly, it is my belief you don’t have to be biologically related to be a great father. I have known and seen amazing men fill the role of a father without having genetic ties. For instance, for our family our daughter is adopted, but my husband does not and will not ever consider our daughter as any more or any less of a daughter as if we conceived her ourselves.

Of course, you may be on the other side of the spectrum meaning you are a daughter who never felt a father figure in your life. If this is you, then I pray you realize you have and always will have a father through your heavenly father.  Honestly, we are all lucky we can count God as our father who will continue to  love and care for us unconditionally. This is the blessing of Father’s Day!

Whatever situation is your situation, please send us your comments. We look forward to hearing from you and your thoughts about the importance of Fathers to their Daughters:

 

Hello Fathers,

Now that I am a mother, I’ve realized the role you play in your daughter’s life is HUGE. Sure, as mothers, we are the nurturers, but our daughters see their future husbands or the male race through you. At a young age, they see how you treat other women including their mom.  They ask to marry you when they are 3 or 4 years old.

When a daughter is little, she looks up to you and you are tall. At this moment, she believes you will protect her. When you get up and go to work, your daughter knows you must be doing something important and wants to know more.  When you spend time with your daughter, she is excited and wants to spend more time with you. When you clap and smile at your daughter, she will never forget these moments. When you believe in your daughter, she begins to believe in herself.

Daughters love their moms, but daughters are intrigued by their dads. Just by pure size, you are the world to your daughter. Daughters believe their dads are indestructible and have the answers to all life questions. Daughters may fight your advice at times, but daughters love learning especially from their dads. Believe me, daughters will remember even little bits of wisdom you say to her all the way through her adulthood. Many times, you are your daughter’s first hero and many times you are the first person who makes your daughter laugh. Typically, your baby daughter says the word “dad” before she says the word “mom”.

Sure, your daughter may go to mom for scrapes and bruises, but she comes to you for acceptance. Your daughter cares what you think. She may be frightened of you at times and cry for your approval, but this is because your daughter respects you. As a father, you have a critical role of teaching your daughter how to respect herself and others. You teach your daughter street smarts and you teach her how she can stand up to the world. Your daughter copies Mom in what it means to grow up and be a strong woman, but she copies you in what it means to be tough when life isn’t exactly roses all of the time or when boys are mean. You help give your daughter a voice and you help her know where to use her voice.

Of course, you are one of your daughter’s favorite men so please don’t take this for granted. Around you, your daughter can be a child and be herself. To her, this is amazing! She loves when you are adventurous and you show her the world. Someday when your daughter finds the love of her life, she hopes you will like this person as much as she does.  Someday when your daughter has a career and/or child of her own, she wants you to be proud of her. If you plant the love of God, the love of learning, the love of God’s creatures, and love of self – your daughter will see these things through your eyes.  Your daughter will see you as the head of the household, if you play the part and play it well. Not with an iron fist, but with understanding, patience, support, and grace.

Someday if you demonstrate the importance of work ethic, loyalty, courage, love, health, faith, forgiveness, and inner strength – your daughter will carry these values with her. On the other hand, if you demonstrate values such as scorn, righteousness, absenteeism, laziness, jealousy, weakness, and  judgement- then your daughter will repeat what none of us want her to repeat.  Nothing in your daughter’s  life will be able to fill the void of a bad dad. Being a father is the hardest, but best job you’ll ever have. It’s more then changing diapers, car pooling to events, and bringing home a pay check. The key is to never lose the chance to see and hear your daughter for without your daughter being seen or heard she will lose the gift of self worth.  Perhaps, not at first because your daughter will want to please you, but at some point your daughter will crave what she feels she missed. We all say – one more hour, one more thing,  one more excuse, but one more only leads to one more heart break. Honestly, what is more important then time with your daughter? I’ve never heard anyone grieve lost moments of time at work, but I have heard people grieve lost moments of time with their loved ones. Unfortunately, we all hurt who we love the most, but my prayer to every father is this doesn’t happen with your daughter. No matter how stupid something may seem never downplay how your daughter feels.  Your daughter is a treasure that was offered to you to parent for the short time she’s on this earth. My suggestion is to make the most of it. The time where your daughter only wants to spend with you will go by quicker than you can snap your fingers. Appreciate the time.. Make the time quality time. Answer all of her questions wisely.

Most of all, don’t be afraid of being a parent. There is a time to be a parent and a time to be a friend. Believe me, your daughter loves you even when she’s complaining or saying how tough it is to have parents. She loves you when she slams her door and when she mocks you. Your daughter acts like she doesn’t want discipline, but in the end your daughter loves when you care. You don’t need to teach your daughter abuse, but you do need to teach your daughter right from wrong and she will pass down your teachings.. Your daughter will pass down traditions. She will appreciate memories. She’ll know when you mean business and when it’s ok to fly. Highlight your daughter’s strengths and don’t concentrate on her weaknesses. Don’t be quiet about where your daughter can shine. Your daughter is lucky to have you and you’re lucky to have your daughter. If you allow it, your daughter will teach you a thing or two as you are teaching her. She is special for being your daughter. Love her as such. Don’t make her what she’s not.

Being a daughter myself – I am fortunate for the men God has placed in my life who have been fathers to me and who I’ve seen be fathers. My grandfathers did not always have a thousand words, but what they said was meaningful. They clapped at the bottom of the stairs waiting for my sister and I to show them our new Christmas outfit and they begged for more time before bedtime. They demonstrated having faith and they honored traditions. They told us to be good to our parents and drove hours to visit us. My father gave me words of wisdom such as treat credit cards like cash, what status of living raise means, how the stock market works, and how to pick a spouse wisely.  He taught me how to be a strong woman. My husband has taught me to not control what you can’t control and to push off the small stuff. He taught me how to relax a little.

I could not imagine life without Dads. As I’ve also gotten to know my heavenly father – I also know to trust in his guidance and his plan. When I go off course, it is a quick lesson. My earthly fathers are also good at giving me a swift kick in the butt when I veer to the right or left.

Anyway, to all of the good fathers out there – continue to be a good father.  Continue to be strong on the inside and the outside and most importantly continue to be strong in your faith. You will make mistakes as we all do, but as long as you learn from your mistakes – we will all benefit in the end. If you’re a father who has not lived up to your expectations, this is a new day. Pray to God to lead you on the right path to making amends. Don’t make excuses or blame others for what you helped cause to happen.  Admit where you’ve gone wrong and repent. Change can only happen if you’re willing to make the change.  Ask God for a change of heart. Don’t ask God to change your daughter, but ask God to help you with what needs changing within yourself. Overall, don’t give up because it’s worth it! Nothing good in life is ever easy.

Love,

A Daughter and a Mother