The Conversation

Talking_to_GodBeyond the church walls

When she was young

It was methodical

Slow-motion

Routine

 

When she was young

The incense drifted

The choir sang

Everyone kneeled

 

When she was young

She stared at…

White robes

Painted ceilings

Color glass walls

 

She would ask for you

On scary nights

Behind confessionals

In between torn song books

And during the homily

 

She’d ask you

For purpose

For understanding

For healing

 

Who knew…

The little girl

who walked the

cobble stone streets

to get to her grandmother’s church

would find you

 

You in all of your glory

You with the quiet voice

You with perfect timing

 

As she got older…

She learned about

 

Your silences

Your miracles

Your being

 

You taught her

To look for you

In the stillness

 

You taught her

To see you

In everyday life

 

You taught her

To know you

In conversation

 

Today you

Don’t live behind walls

 

You live in the now

In the air

The sun

The rain

 

A building

Was not the purpose

The pews

Was not the understanding

The stage

Was not the healing

 

It really was about the conversation…

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I think about this often. How did I get here? How did God find me when so many others around me have walked away from their Faith? It has not been an easy journey especially after fighting the relationship for so many years. So badly I wanted to be in control. It seemed easier to not believe. It just did not make sense to me. For so many years, my Faith or lack of Faith was about the motions. Jesus was a statue on a cross and we discussed him in Church. There was no sense of a relationship.

However, the question never left me. What is my purpose? Journals upon journals of mine ask this question. On the outside it was so clear. All of the titles from wife, to consultant, to friend, to dancer, to hiker, etc., but was this really my purpose. Was this really who I was? At night or in the middle of the ocean, I’d say there had to be more.

Yes, bringing positive change to the world was always my cliché, but what did this actually mean?

For me, it meant letting go. It meant not holding on so tight. It meant talking and praying. It really was this easy. There was no miracle solution except for the conversation.

For me, it meant change would occur in perfect timing. There has been so many signs of this lesson for me from when I broke off my first engagement, when I waited so long to adopt Ryley, and within my career. All of these things were about letting go at different times. It was about trust, the conversation, and believing.

In sincerity, the conversation has never been about the perfect answer to the perfect prayer. In this scenario, there is no Faith. It truly has been about seeking God and letting go like a balloon and seeing where God takes you. It is all about the conversation.

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