Today as I looked outside my office window peering over the lake and seeing rebirth and life peeking out of the grass, I am grateful. Although, I know life has gone through different seasons, today looking out the window is a perfect representation of this season and imagining the sun upon my face. A sun that didn’t exist a couple of months ago.
Sure, winter just left us, but my snow storms had not come from the winter months. My snow storms came from months of seeing no book sales, months of job seeking, months of dealing with marital and family problems, and months of being anxious about the new house (determining if we should build or back out of the build). Being a Christian, I am aware the snow storms will come and go in our lives and we are not guaranteed sunshine. However, I don’t think just because you are Christian doesn’t mean you are not human. Through the years, I have met many Christians who have fought depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses.
Luckily, today as I look out the window, not all of the darkness has gone away but I am seeing a glimpse of light again. Mainly because, at the end of the road, I leaned on faith and believed it could all be turned around and because I am working on this new contract I love. It is crazy something as small as a great contract can change your perspective. It can change your perspective on the day ahead. It can change your perspective on how you deal with things even hard things. Today I am proof life and faith works. I know when you are in the depths of depression, you can’t see it. You’d probably still look out the window and see no light. I had months and months of no light. During this time, I struggled like I have in the past with my faith. I asked God the question “why” more than I can count. I said I know I am good at what I do as a consultant, so, why does it have to be so hard? Why do contracts get delayed or cancelled? For the books, I asked why can’t these books get into the right hands? With my marriage, I asked why can’t we get on the same page? For my daughter, I’d say why is she struggling so much in just going to school and doing her work? Way too many “whys”. During the time of the “whys” I had forgotten why the “whys” may be happening. Of course, you can’t always control life’s misgivings. However, what you can control is your attitude and your faith.
Admittingly, during this time period I didn’t pray. My faith was not at a high. Actually, I didn’t know the miracle that about to happen. Actually, I didn’t want the contract, but the 3rd party consulting firm I was hoping to contract with convinced me it was a great contract and there wasn’t better offers in front of me. I finally prayed to make something work. Honestly, I just needed to start something so I did. After week one, I realized it was a dream contract. They liked me and I liked them. I had a seat at the table. They trusted me and I knew I could add value. It wasn’t a dream contract because the project would be easy. It was a dream contract because God put me in the right place at the right time. It was the first time I hadn’t controlled what job or contract I took. In this case, I didn’t have a choice and it was the best contract I ever had. It wasn’t the system transformation that excited me, but the people. I had never been on a project where people wrote me personal messages to say what a great job I was doing, why I was loved on the project, etc. The emails have inspired me to want to do more, to find gaps, and to do everything I can for this client. For years, I said if you treat your people right they’ll treat you right. This contract is a perfect example. Not once in my career have I skimped on doing the right thing for any project, but this project from day one has been different. Everyday I feel the sunshine on my face. Everyday I want to go to work and work for this company. Everyday I want to do more for this company.
I am not telling you this story to discuss my stroke of luck. Instead I am telling you this story to not walk in my same steps. It’s easy to give into the darkness. It’s easy to not believe when things are going bad. It’s also easy to not thank God or believe in your Faith when things are going well. What I’ve learned is sometimes things happen when you least expect it and you can’t control these things. You have to believe God has things in control when you feel the most out of control. Almost everything in my life that has been good has happened when I least expected it or when I have felt completely out of control such as when I first met my husband to when we got the call to adopt our daughter. I realize things may not always happen in our timing. Sometimes struggle comes before the sunshine. The goal is to not expect Sunshine all of the time because you’ll spend your life wishing for what you can’t have. The goal is to believe even when there is no Sunshine. The goal is to believe there is a bigger plan. A bigger plan than you can even imagine. A plan that includes rain, but also a lot of Sunshine – you just have to believe!