As Joe Black says in “Meet Joe Black”, two things are certain death and taxes. Although, I’ve never debated death is certain it wasn’t a conscious thought until recently. A couple of weeks ago my father found out there were clots in his lungs, he had a form of congenital heart disease where his heart pumped correctly but it wasn’t resting correctly, and he had a few low percentage aneurisms also in his lungs. He is alive thankfully, but all of these ailments made both him and I think about the topic of death. He said amazingly when he was going through pain he thought he might be dying but he had no fear. Myself, on the other hand, have a lot of fear. The crazy part is my Dad’s faith over the years has dwindled as mine has grown. Surprisingly, my father said fear never crossed his mind. All he cared about at the moment was his financial information was in order. To expand on my fear, it doesn’t stop at my Dad but my fear also includes my dog. My Dad who is a pivotal figure in my life and my dog who is one of my best friends and is not getting any younger. Our family doesn’t talk about Mugsy’s age in fear of death. We are in denial our dog’s days are numbered.
If you noticed in both instances I said “fear”. As the old saying goes – true Christians don’t have fear of death, so, what does this mean? Does it mean I am not strong enough in my faith? Does it mean I need to pray more?
Not sure. However, it definitely does not sit well with me. If I died soon – what scares me is what is left behind – my daughter, my husband, places I haven’t seen. I fear the pain and the unknown. I fear saying goodbye.
I don’t fear thinking about peace, less stress, and bliss on the other side. I don’t fear the conversation with God at the pearly gates since my soul knows Jesus died for my sins or what death would mean if God doesn’t exist; which, in my opinion, is a scarier option. Can’t imagine life or death without a God. However, I do fear no longer touching the life I’ve built, the finality of death, the stages of death, and those I love not being a phone call away. Feeling powerless to death is like cereal without milk….it can be done but it doesn’t necessarily make sense or taste good.
Many people admit having the same fears. Fear of not only death, but fear of what this means towards their faith. The only sane response I can give is to pray and believe God will help you over the hump. The only answer is to be real. For those who debate whether my faith is strong enough, my response is we can lie or be naked in our truth. One thing for sure – in bold, sharpie, no fade ink is we are all human. The bible is full of human stories. The definition of human meaning imperfect. Sure, the fear of death is one snag in my armor of faithfulness, but the lucky part is there are many other things which keep my armor strong such as hope, love, belief, and wisdom. As I work through the kinks, God is the only one who knows my strengths, my armor, and can talk me through the battle. For those fighting the same war, I say quiet all the voices around you telling you how you should feel and let God’s voice be heard. Believe in God to put your battle strategy together and be patient. He always has perfect timing in his teachings. To conclude, sure death and taxes are certain, but the only thing which is comfortable and certain for me right now is to put trust in my faith.
