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Trust

Scripture

Joshua 1:9

For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Prayer

Adult:

Dear God,

Right now trust is a major hurdle for me. With recent scenarios, I have lost a sense of trust. Never thought trust would be difficult for me, but it has become a major rainstorm in my life and has kept me back from living. Not having trust has made me into a person I never thought I was. God can you help make me whole again? God can you let me know I am worth being cherished? God can you allow me to have trust again?

Child:

Dear God,

Not sure why I don’t trust, but what I can’t see or touch makes it difficult for me to trust. God can you help me trust what I don’t know. Thanks God for looking over me. I love you!

Activities:

Trust is something which hits home for me. As a small child, I remember when my mother was gone and my sister and I were playing with a big jar of perfume she received as a wedding gift. When she came home, she noticed some of the perfume was missing. She asked what happened and we both lied. She said what upset her the most was not the perfume being gone, but for us lying. She said the #1 item for her is trust. Then I went through a few of my own trust whammies when I got older. The hardest whammy was having my husband lose his passion for me. Always being a romantic, I thought when you found love it was automatic. After he told me his interest was wavering, I always assumed he was going to leave the marriage. Every time he went out, I became worried he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. This feeling corroded the marriage even more. In my opinion, you can’t conquer trust issues on your own. You also can’t ignore your reactions. I continued to tell myself I had trust, but my actions showed otherwise. Again, trust can’t be regained in a week, but you can begin to build the building blocks and continue to work on it.

Adult

  1. Talk with someone who you trust and who will make you comfortable being real and talking through your trust issues
  2. If your trust issues are with someone you love or care about, you need to have the sit-down conversation and talk through how you are feeling, the impacts, and the plan moving forward
  3. Make a firm decision to trust and never go back. (Like giving up smoking cold turkey) This means no accusing the person, talking about it all of the time, etc. unless there is firm proof something is happening. This is tough for anyone who has been hurt. Also, it is something God will have to help you with. I have seen this work, but it can’t work for everyone.
  4. Rebuild what needs to be rebuilt so there is trust. For example, start going on dates again if the trust is within your marriage, participate in activities you use to do to have fun, stop nagging, write a letter or confront the person where there is little trust, etc. In no way, am I saying you are to blame for trust issues occurring, but typically everyone has a role. If you want it to get better, you have to work on it. Also, if you don’t get the response you are hoping for (eg. if you confront a parent from past happenings) – don’t dwell on the reaction as much as the process. It is about healing yourself. You can’t heal others. Only God is the prime healer.
  5. Do your research so you understand why people may have reacted like they did and why there are trust issues. Don’t excuse behaviors, but sometimes if you find out someone was abused themselves and they abused you it doesn’t take away what happened, but it may have you look and feel differently about what happened.
  6. Sit down and write your own definition of trust and then come up with your own action plan. Think what keeps you from trusting someone, why you have problems with trust, and what are the key areas you need to have trust. Build your life plan off of these realizations. I am not a fan of divorce or broken relationships, but I am a fan of being healthy and allowing our inner voice to  tell us if there are destructive people in our lives who keep us from moving forward. Sometimes saying goodbye is the best thing you can do. Also, if trust is with your children, then we need to put the plan in action right away. We need to get rid of any past baggage and move forward because it is not fair for your children to have you bring destructive behaviors into the relationship or have your children do the same. A counselor most likely is needed in this scenario.
  7. Meditate to scripture and pray to God about trust since it is a heavy emotion.

Child

  1. If there is an issue with your child trusting you or someone else, then it is time for you to talk to your child and learn what is happening. Don’t assume your child is wrong. Don’t just fix issues but take actions to correct trust issues with your child. Children like to see it to believe it. A good way to do this is consistency with schedules and discipline. If trust is with someone else (eg. a teacher), then talk to other people (parents, school officials, other teachers, etc.), observe the situation, and make a plan. Don’t be afraid to speak up. We had a situation once where we had to move our daughter to another classroom and this was the best choice we ever made.  If trust is due to any criminal scenarios, of course, get the right authorities involved right away.
  2. Be real with your child meaning don’t lie to them. If they ask you tough questions, answer the questions truthfully. The worst way to lose trust is to lie.
  3. Give your child something they can grow with and trust. Sometimes animals are a good way of not only teaching responsibility, but the need to trust. Animals have to consistently trust their owners.
  4. Go do a rope course with your child where the theme of trust is built into the exercise
  5. This will be tough, but do an activity to conquer their fears and for them to have trust. For instance if they don’t trust the dark, then have short segments of time where you have them sit in the dark, but each time they sit the time increases. Talk through the scenario with them and have patience. They may refuse sometimes and it is ok. It is about learning and not pushing. The first couple of times you may have to sit with them.
  6. Have your child create a collage of things they trust and don’t trust and then talk through it with them
  7. Pray and read books with your child around the topic of trust. Trust is a key component of happiness, so, this is an important emotion to discuss with your children.