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Hurt

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

Prayer:

Adult:

Dear God,

My heart is so heavy. Outside my door life is going on as normal while my life has come to a screeching hault. God, I don’t know how not to be in slow motion. The sun may be shining outside, but all I feel like doing is hiding under my covers. Don’t want to think about any of it anymore, but it plays back in my mind over and over. Everything hurts and wish it didn’t hurt so much. I keep wondering why me? Keep wondering if there is anything I could have done differently. Don’t understand why this happened. God, can you help mend my breaking heart?

Child:

Dear God,

I am really, really hurting right now. Can you help me? I love you – Amen!

Activity:

In my opinion, hurt is one of the hardest emotions to get through. Hurt is very different then sadness. Hurt comes when you weren’t expecting a certain outcome. You feel like you were wronged and you have no way to protect yourself or to control the situation. Hurt can come in many forms from infidelity, to infertility, to sexual abuse, to ending of a friendship, to miscarriages, to a terminally or mentally ill child, etc. It still pains me to think back to my two miscarriages or a time when unfaithfulness happened to both myself and my husband. Selfishly, I never thought it would happen to me or to us. It took a lot of prayers and soul searching, but eventually I was able to dig myself out. Most likely, you won’t get through hurt in a week. It will take time, but below are some activities you can continue to repeat through your time of pain:

Adult:

  1. Write a nice note or saying to yourself every day and stick it on your mirror for when you wake up in the morning or go to bed at night. At first, the sayings can be as simple as “I like the color of my eyes”, but eventually it would be good if you could dig deep.
  2. Listen to the song “Blessings” by Laura Story and then write down your reactions.
  3. Start a blessing journal. Force yourself to wake up and write one item of why you feel blessed. It can be tough when you are hurting, but can also make you realize how you remain to be blessed.
  4. When you’re ready, share your story to someone new or someone who hasn’t heard your story. Helping someone else can sometimes lessen the blow of the hurt.
  5. Allow yourself one day to do what you feel like doing (sleeping all day, eating ice cream, watching a chic flick movie, playing video games, etc.) without feeling guilty. Then the next day get up, get dressed, and leave the house.
  6. Write your hurt in a song, a picture, a poem, or a letter and then send it to yourself. Only open it when you are ready to handle the contents of what you sent.
  7. Schedule time with either a pastor or small group leader and just talk.

Child:

  1. # 1 Rule allow your child to feel, talk and work through the hurt. Don’t deny it or try to hide it. For older children, let them know you have an open door policy. When they come to you, don’t tell them you don’t have the time.
  2. Depending on the seriousness of the hurt, spend time with an art therapist who can walk your child through some exercises or find a book on art therapy and walk through some of the exercises with your child
  3. Volunteer somewhere with the family. Sometimes this helps to put the current situation into perspective
  4. Go on an outing with your child (even if it’s just to the park). Don’t just stay indoors or at home
  5. Have a cuddle day where you cuddle all day and watch movies
  6. Create a memory hunt (like a treasure hunt) where you remind them about good things and why you love them
  7. Do something active –go on a hike, go swimming, ride bikes, etc.
  8. Discuss Peter and how he hurt after denying Jesus 3 times. Use this story to talk through your child’s story of hurt.
  9. Praise your child when they come talk to you about their hurt and why they are hurting.
  10. If you are going through a time where everyone in the family is hurting (eg. losing a family member) – make sure to schedule special 1:1 time with each child and do something they want to do, but also make sure to talk to the child about their any emotions they are having. Make the child comfortable that you’re always there to talk to them.
  11. If the child wants to talk to someone outside of the family, find a friend or other family member who the child may feel comfortable talking to about their emotions. Sometimes friends are better than family at the moment.
  12. Again, if it’s a family hurt – try going on a getaway as a family, so, you can get away for awhile. Children need this as much as adults.