Hunger Games

Perhaps this is your story – One day you were deeply connected with God. You were walking through life together. You talked all of the time. You believe he heard your prayers. You asked God to assist with important life choices. Life was, more or less, perfect. You had mild hiccups once in awhile, but nothing major. Then out of the blue the worst happens. The one thing you wanted most in the world or didn’t want to happen – you feel has been taken from you whether this is your health, a family member’s health, a career choice, a lost friendship, opportunity to be parents, a spouse, a marriage gone awry, a rape/domestic violence situation, etc. Something you thought and prayed about for a long time to never be true has come true. You feel like you are Adam and Eve leaving the land of Eden. You don’t like to use these words, but the words that best fit how you feel right now is betrayal and shock. How could God take away what was most important to you? Why would he want to? Anything else you could have lived with, but this.

A very unsettling feeling. Time and time again you’ve been told God is your friend, but this doesn’t feel like a friend. You think – I wouldn’t do this to a friend, so, why has God forsaken me? Does God even exist?  Any other friend, you’d never be friends again if they hurt you just as badly as you’ve been hurt.

If you’re in this place, a good question to ask is not how many times God has turned his back on you, but how many times you’ve turned your back on God? Believe me, it’s not letting God off the hook, but instead it’s asking why should God hunger for me when I don’t hunger for him? If you’re like me, we’re not people anyone should hunger for. Take me for example – I leave the cereal box on the counter, become frustrated when driving, rush my daughter to get ready, snap at my husband, feel bad for myself when things don’t go as planned, don’t always make the wisest decisions, become judgmental of others and myself, get jealous or become greedy, try to control everything, etc. Outwardly I portray perfection, but am far from it.  Quite frankly, would this be someone you would  hunger for?

Yet, why would God hurt me so badly when all I did was hunger for him? I couldn’t imagine ever  hurting someone so badly especially a friend. Well, I don’t believe we’ve hurt anyone intentionally, but we’ve all hurt plenty of people. Using my transgressions – I’ve hurt my daughter when I’ve tried to make her what she’s not. I’ve hurt my husband when I’ve turned away from intimacy. I’ve hurt my parents, when I’ve gotten angry at little things or haven’t called them enough. Sure, we’re human, so, perhaps we put ourselves on a different scale than God. However, one thing I know for sure is I’m not God. If I am to be in his image, I am far from it. Yet, I have expectations for him that I can’t live up to myself. Although, no mater what, God has always been there with open arms even if he shouldn’t be.

God was there…When my insides hurt so bad for a little boy in the hospital who couldn’t see and barely could hear. A boy so neglected he didn’t weigh 10 lbs. at a year of age.  God put a smile on this child’s face and new parents who turned pain into sunlight. When my marriage almost ended, he found a way to make us closer. When I lost a child, the pain never left me, but God found ways for me to find peace by presenting the right people to me at the right time, providing comfort through volunteering, and presenting me with the joys of adoption. God’s blessings have not always happened in my timing, but without a doubt God was there.

My question is…are my transgressions so bad it was worth losing a child in the first place? Why couldn’t I have had both my daughter Hope and Ryley? Why was I laid off at the worst time? Why was the process of writing a series of books and getting them to market so difficult? Why did I have to blow an important interview or presentation? Why does my daughter have to struggle with ADHD? If God loves me so much, why does life have to be so difficult?

All I can say is when God hasn’t been in my life – life has been so much worse. When I’ve turned my back from him, I am always starving for something. Nothing ever feels good enough. Without God – I am hungry for happiness, peace, hope, and rest. In my world, God doesn’t cause pain otherwise God and the devil would be friends; which is never mentioned in the Bible. What is mentioned in the Bible is a faithful God.

The question is if God is so faithful and has so much power and can prevent things from happening why doesn’t God prevent the worst of the worst? Why doesn’t he just destroy the devil? Why can’t we learn life lessons by going through easier tests? How is God my friend when he treats me the same as he does a non-believer? No matter what… shit still happens whether you’re a believer or not.

This is true. The difference is the shit is easier to go through when you have something to believe in and someone to walk with. When you’re a lost sheep, there is no one to feed you, journey with you, and rest with you. You’ll never be satisfied. You’ll always be looking for your shepherd. You’ll always be searching for something you think you want, but you’ll never get. You’ll be the Israelites in the desert screaming at God for Manna.

You may con yourself or convince others you’re happy, but if you’re truthful with yourself – you’re not. If you don’t believe me – take this test. Find someone who is a non-believer and someone who is a believer. Who appears to be more at peace? Who has hunger more for material things that will never satisfy them and who hungers more for what is really important?

A great example is Chip and Joanna on Fixer Upper who have spent their lives hungering  for the right things. They have become America’s favorite couple. My belief is they have become America’s favorite couple not because people see them on television, but because they shine. People want what they have.  In my interpretation, you only have what they have if you believe in something greater than your self.

Another example is the “My All American” movie. In this true story, Freddie Steinmark, is a young man with a lot of heart and a lot of Faith. He is the type of person you’d never wish harm against. A person who is always positive and who never complains no matter what comes across his path.  However, in his life, he has to overcome many trials including his size to play football and Bone Cancer, but through it all he never loses his Faith. To this day, players still touch and kiss his placard before games. When players describe him, they use words such as full of heart, someone who has a lot of hunger, and someone who shines. Aren’t these words you hope to be part of your legacy?

If you’re in a place where God seems to have left you or you have left him, I ask you to shine again. I ask you to center your life on what is important. I ask you to Hunger for the one who loves you. God is calling for you. Angels may not fall from the sky, you will feel pain in this life-time, and the lottery may not be in your destiny, but you do have something worth something. All it takes is time and a hunger to rebuild your relationship. All God has is time. He will show you the way if you’re open. It’s ok if you need to yell. It’s ok if you need to ask God to keep you close. It’s ok to say God I’m angry or hurt. Whatever is troubling you or whatever has happened, only God can heal the wound. Believe me, I have had people close to me turn their cheek when the worst of worst has happened, but these are people who still yearn for what’s missing. To find your way again, you need to Hunger for God like he Hungers for you. He will be there when you’re ready. From experience, I know.

 

 

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