This past week’s sermon at church was about learning how to pray. The pastor admitted only 16% of pastors feel satisfied with their prayer life. With so low percentages for pastors, what does this mean for the general population and more specifically what does this mean for families and children?

If we don’t know how to pray ourselves, how can we teach our children to pray? This is a great question, since at times my prayer life is not at its best.

Yes, this sounds silly, but how can praying be difficult? Isn’t praying like riding a bike or reading a book? Isn’t it just asking what you want or saying a few words of thanks?

Over the years, what I thought was prayer has changed dramatically. No one ever taught me how to pray except for the common dinner prayer. At a young age, my prayers came in times of sorrow or when I wanted something. My prayers were over broken relationships, a certain test score, or a particular gift under the tree. Then the loss of Hope, our daughter, happened and I learned to pray for God’s will and peace. An amazing transformation! Of course, losing Hope was not what we prayed for or wanted, but God helped us transform the darkness into light.

The question people ask often is how do I teach my child to pray if I am not sure God hears me? My translation to this statement is – Many people don’t believe in prayer because they didn’t get the expected answer. It is through times of hardship and disconnect from God when people say things like if there was a God my child would not have died.

What I have come to learn is God is way bigger than us. He has a bigger plan. Sometimes our plan does not fit into his plan, but believe someday it will all make sense. Even the darkest of times will make sense. Little by little God gives us clues. For me, it was learning to pray for peace and closure.

As for the act of prayer, it may sound like I know what I am doing but in reality I am not perfect. My mind can wander from saying a prayer to thinking of my “to do” list. However, what has helped me is having a conversation with God like I do a best friend, singing, writing, or journaling. The important part is my time with God.

What I would teach a child and will teach my daughter about prayer is the following:

1. Prayer does not have to be perfect. Just be you. Believe me, God likes you just the way you are. The more banged up you are the better. God knows your genuineness through your rips and tears.
2. Let them know prayer is not prescriptive. Many people fear prayer because they think it has to be formal. I think of God as an old cowboy with Southern charm and a twang. He’d rather have a simple conversation, then no conversation at all.
3. There is not just one way to pray. Find out what works best for you. How do you feel closest to God?
4. Make the time to talk to God. Don’t make excuses because the excuses will never end. As the Nike commercial suggests – Just Do It!
5. Don’t run from God. He may have a different answer then you expected, but he can show you hidden treasures or blessings. For example, one of my friends dated a man for nine years who she thought was the one and when he wasn’t she was devastated. Then a couple months later, she met her true match.
6. Don’t always ask for what you want. Imagine your spouse’s or a good friend’s reaction if the relationship was always about you…would they stick around? God, is forgiving, but good advice is to build a close relationship with God and ask him to guide you.
7. Let your child know you can pray together as a family
8. As my pastor told our congregation, use prayers as “Our Father” as a tool. You can break-down the meaning of the prayer and then pray
9. Let your child know if they ask, God will help
10. Discuss the importance of prayer. As a parent, have a conversation around why we pray and how prayer brings us closer to God and our Faith.
11. Last but not least – Be easy on yourself if there is a day or two you struggle. Like a cowboy –God will pick you up again and dust you off. The goal is to continue on the rodeo. You’ll be amazed how great life can be when you talk and spend time with God.